I feel like shouting, its 6am and I’m up not because I’m sad or bothered or worried but because I’m happy. I don’t want the thoughts and recent memories vibrating in each of my cells to disappear even while I’m unconscious. I’m such a sensitive little bitch, I swear. I feel like shouting about how much love I hold for you, how much care I feel for you. I can’t shout cause people are sleeping so I’ll type, its 2017- is there really a difference? Get ready for a sap fest cause here it is. Read it, don’t read it. I’ll probably send it to Michael later and he’ll be like “Ohhhhh BBAAABBYYY I LOVE YOUUU.” And It’ll be cute, so fuck you. 

He holds me like I’ve never been held before. My favorite is when he has a hand holding my face and the other on the back of my neck, he makes me feel safe, protected, like nothing in the world can hurt me. I’m invisible when I’m in his arms. 

I know I’m loved and not just because he tells me 600 times a day (which I don’t mind in the slightest hehe). But because I feel it in the way he kisses my forehead, in the way he makes sure he’s on the outside of the sidewalk and I’m on the inside so I don’t have a chance at being hurt by busy LA traffic, the way he always thinks of me first. It always surprises me. Hell, so much as him making a dinner reservation for us makes me melt, makes me feel special. 

If you couldn’t tell by now, I have this obsession with feeling protected, with feeling safe. With that being said here’s a little story. We were walking down Hollywood Boulevard in the pouring rain one night at around midnight and this guy in front of us decks another guy in the face and into the ground. He immediately took me in his arms and ran me across the street saying “Don’t worry, I got you.” out of pure instinct. I just about nearly cried because lets not forget, I’m a sensitive bitch. That stuff just means a lot to me. 

We always say thank you to each other, we tell each other how much we appreciate what the other does. Thats new, and important. He’s taught me a lot about relationships and cherishing the person your with. Hearing them, feeling them, being there with them through anything. He came into my life during the hardest period of it thus far, I’m still going through the pain of a shocking loss, and I truly don’t know what I would do without him. One time he just laid next to me and started breathing deeply, in and out with me when I started to panic. It was the most quiet, sincere gesture I’ve ever seen, just what I needed. It helps too because like me, he’s empathetic, he’s sensitive, I’m just a sensitive- what kids? Bitch! That’s right! 

I feel 100% comfortable 100% of the time to totally be myself. I can be a loud annoying hoe bag but with him I don’t feel self conscious about being a loud annoying hoe bag and that’s saying something. 

He always tells me I’m beautiful. I always tell him he’s beautiful. It sounds meaningless, its very important. He loves me without makeup, he’s crazy, but he loves me without makeup. And he makes sure to let me know that he thinks I’m gorgeous when I’ve just woken up and feel like a ratchet weave in human form. Just like how he hates his hair right now and I love it, and I mean LOVE it, so I make sure to tell him at least 1000x a day. He loves my body, okay kiddies time to get offended by over sexualization, but I’m not being raunchy so shut the fuck up. I’m talking he loves my little belly, my stretch marks, my beauty marks, all the things I consider flaws he makes sure to give extra care and love to. 

We talk about art together, he’s so knowledgable on this craft. Incredibly knowledgable, he’s introduced me to so much. He expands my mind on every topic, he absorbs shit like a sponge, its genuinely incredible. I could actually talk to him for hours on end.

We really do compliment each other in every facet. The things I lack he makes up for and vice versa, we’re learning from one another. He inspires me so much, he has no idea what an influence he’s had on me and on my work. He’s also my biggest supporter, he wants me to always shoot for the things I want even if it may take me away from him for some time EX: Next month :(. He always thinks of whats in my best interest. 

(Cont.^) We’re going to be apart for some time with few trips to see each other, but we can do it. I worry, not because I think we can’t but because I don’t want him to feel hurt, to miss me and feel sad, I wonder if its selfish of me sometimes but then we talk and I remember we both just want one thing- to be together. And we will be, its all for the bigger picture. For our place in Beachwood Canyon :p 

Also I just texted him and turns out he’s up writing about me too. We’re exchanging notes now. Told you, we’re both sensitive artist fuckheads. God I’m in love with this person. 

Goodnight. 

-Sensitive Bitch